Do you have a case of Shoulditis?
When we need to make decisions, especially big ones about the next stage of our lives, we can often come down with a bad case of Shoulditis.
I have identified two strains of Shoulditis:
Pressure based
Values based with limitations
Symptoms for both strains of Shoulditis may include, but are not limited to, feeling anxious, resentful, or unmotivated.
Pressure-based Shoulditis
Expectations about how we should live our lives can run deep and we can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to think and behave in a certain way.
External pressure may also come from other people’s expectations, from friends, family, colleagues or society.
We should stop working at a certain time. Either before or beyond when we’re ready.
We should join a committee or volunteer because we have all this available time.
To treat pressure-based Shoulditis, ask yourself:
What outcome do I want for my next stage of life, and will this activity or approach get me there?
For example, do I want to join a hill walking club because it energises me and is good for my mental health?
Or am I doing it because someone else enjoys it, and joining a film club feels much more inspiring and enjoyable to me?
You can of course do both, but know why you’re choosing to do it and that you want to.
Values-based Shoulditis with limitations
Sometimes we feel we should do something because it’s the right thing to do and fits with our values, even if it’s challenging.
Cases might present as caring responsibilities or continuing to work to earn income when we’re ready to move on or want to do other things.
When there is a values proposition for this behaviour, Shoulditis may be limiting your exploration of how you carry out these responsibilities.
Ask yourself:
How might you earn income that isn’t only a continuation of how and where you have worked until now?
What help can you access from wider family, friends, organisations or community to share caring responsibilities?
What can you do that doesn’t leave you feeling stuck and can help to alleviate your symptoms?
I am not a doctor and am not offering medical or psychological advice, but I am a qualified coach. If you want to challenge Shoulditis in your retirement life planning, be in touch for a conversation about how we can work together.
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